ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The south-east corner of Queensland has comprehensively shit the bed today after letting in the turbocharged version of the spicy cough in from the UK.

Communities in Western, Central and Northern Queensland are demanding Brisbane be included in the NSW border closures in a desperate attempt to keep this super spicy cough in Brisbane and away from the rest of us.

Today’s development in Brisbane means Queensland is the latest state in the Commonwealth to let the country down.

First, it was Victoria, who really fucked everything up for everyone. Then Adelaide, who fucked things for themselves. Then New South Wales fucked Christmas and New Years for themselves, some Victorians and the well-healed Brisbanese folks who, for some reason, go to Yamba instead of Noosa for Christmas.

Now it’s South-East Queensland’s turn.

“What every state shut their border to us now,” said one local businessman.

“After the government here was all too happy to laugh and slam the border shut on Victoria and New South Wales just a few weeks ago. You wouldn’t fucking read about it,”

“And the best part is, it’s not even the Northern Beaches strain of the pangolin’s kiss. It’s the British version, the one you can catch if the sick bloke so much as looks at you. Fuck the fucking south-east corner. They’ve fucked us again.”

The Advocate reached out to the Queensland Government for comment but as it was after 3pm, we were told to wait until Monday.

More to come.


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