As the world furiously sweats over the possibility of a full-scale war erupting on the Ukraine-Russian border, one local newsagent is on standby to make some changes to their cartography products.

Armed with a Staedtler Lumocolor 352 Permanent Black Marker and a fresh pair of scissors, South Betoota Newsagency owner Darrell Gibson (53) is standing at the ready, fully prepared to conduct some homemade alterations to his sole copy of a Russian travel guide.

“I sure hope war doesn’t break out, but when you hear Putin has assembled another 100,000 troops on the border you just get a bad feeling in your guts,” said Mr Gibson.

“You don’t order half your army to the Ukraine border for a touch footy carnival ya know…”

Standing in front of his store’s impressive collection of Australian and World Maps, Mr Gibson took a moment after his morning rush of Powerball customers, to point out what preparations he’d put in place, if conflict does indeed break out across Eastern Europe.

Blowing the dust off his store’s only copy of “Hema’s Guide to Russia, Ukraine & Belarus”
Mr Gibson told The Advocate he was ready to redraw some territory lines and rename some cities if the Ukraine gets invaded.

“Well I’m a NEWS-agent, my job is in my title…”

“I’ve gotta keep my product up to date, what if some bloke wants to research a trip to Kharkiv (Харків) next year and the highway routes are all wrong?”

“And then again, there’s also the possibility of Ukraine winning this thing, in which case, I’ll adjust their borders north accordingly”

Asked whether he had much experience in the practice of updating national borders, the proud newsagent said he took the task very seriously.

“Ever since Mark McMaoan took it upon himself to write separate laws for each state and territory, I took it upon myself to move all the WA four-wheel driving guides into the world map section.”

“As soon as the Democratic People’s Republic Of Western Australia start releasing their own newspaper, you can bet I’ll be selling it over there alongside the NY Times and the Maltese Herald!”

More to come.


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