ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

IT WASN’T EVEN 7 O’CLOCK when the first ‘dumb cunt’ was thrown from one punter to another.

Michael Dollarhide woke this morning to find his WhatsApp group hotly discussing who was going to win the Melbourne Cup this afternoon, with almost every having a conflicting opinion.

“Most days, I do with my mate Tom, who works in private wealth management down in Sydney,” said the 26-year-old Hutchinson project manager.

“He spends most of his day around big swinging dicks who probably own a share in a horse in today’s race. Though his Cox Plate tips were rubbish, I might give him ago today,”

“I might double down and follow his tips for Randwick as well, fuck it. I just got my tax back.” he said.

However, Dollarhide and pal Tom’s sentiments weren’t echoed by fellow chat participant, Harvey.

Although Harvey doesn’t work in high finance and isn’t privy to the big boy’s tips, he swears by his local plumber, who’s come through with goods year in year out.

“Tom is a nice bloke, but he’s a fucking dumb cunt,” said Harvey, also a 26-year-old Hutchinson project manager from Wynnum.

“His tips are shit, they’re always shit but everybody else in the WhatsApp takes them seriously because he wears a tie to work. My plumber Ralphy is my fucking boy when it comes to cup day. He picked Makybe Diva three years in a row and it won,”

“Listen to the underdog.” he said.

That hasn’t helped Dollarhide, who was still mulling over which horse he’d put the obligatory $20 by the time he got to work.

“Some old codger at the urinal reckons he’s onto a winner”

“Maybe I won’t bother this year? Does that make me unAustralian?” he asked.


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