ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A special report commission by the Federal Government and conducted by the Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation (CSIRO) has concluded that the most appropriate thing to say before consuming a $12.50 fish, chips and salad is: “Fucken Get That Indi Ya”.

The report also shrugs off any concerns from people on the left who felt their meagre tax dollars were being misappropriated when it comes to scientific research.

Professor Sarah Gilhoolie from the CSIRO’s lunch research team said this report is the culmination of about 45 minutes of hard work and dedication from her small team of two researchers.

“We said a lot of things before tucking into lunch,” she said.

“Things like, ‘Oh well, I hope this lunch is worth the fact that the cutlery and styrofoam box are going to be on this planet for 300 000 years,’ and ‘How fucken good is this, boys?’ but the most appropriate was the gender-neutral, ‘Fucken Get That Indi Ya,’ alternative,”

“There was some debate about how politically-correct it would be to say, ‘Fucken Get That India’ – where our team ultimately decided that using that term is only acceptable when at an Indian restaurant in Ipswich surrounded by ageing white men who need little blue pills to make their pee pee hard. As that’s something decidedly rare, it’s safe to say it’s probably never OK to say that.”

More to come.


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