Tony Abbott scrambles to look like a "quintessential Aussie"

21 April, 2015. 14:35

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | [email protected]

Tony Abbott scrambles to look like a "quintessential Aussie"
Tony Abbott scrambles to look like a “quintessential Aussie”


PRIME MINISTER ABBOTT has finally found that magic moment to prove his “blokieness” – by chugging back a shmiddie of light beer at a university party in an exclusive Eastern Sydney pub, The Royal Oak.

However, cultural commentators have stated that Abbott’s attempts at appearing blokey have blown back in his face.

“He was drinking in one of the most notoriously “white-bread” pubs in Sydney, with a bunch of tertiary students, who were celebrating an awards night for their university AFL team,” says local panel-beater, Rod Scipperoni.

“I wouldn’t be allowed in a pub like that, and there is smashing light beer with a bunch of rich kids – it’s pretty elitist behaviour”

It would seem that Abbott was making a last ditch effort to impress the youth of Australia, majority of which are unashamedly obsessed with binge-drinking.

The Royal Oak in Sydney's Eastern Suburbs. A legendary hotel known for housing coked-up private school kids.
The Royal Oak in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs. A legendary hotel known for housing coked-up private school kids.

When asked about the appropriateness of skolling a beer in the eastern suburbs with fee-paying, AFL playing university students – Abbott stated he thought they were Rugby League players – and that he he considered Double Bay to be in the Western Suburbs.

“Here I am trying to look like a working class icon. Apparently even Double Bay is too high-end for that kind of riff-raff,”

“I wouldn’t know. As far as I’m concerned anywhere south of Kirribilli is pretty much Cronulla. Anywhere west of Malcolm (Point Piper) is pretty much Penrith”.

“Also, they weren’t wearing polo shirts, so I assumed the lads were Rugby League players.”

Beer-guzzling champion and former Labor Prime Minister, Bob Hawke has since spoken out about Abbott’s lame efforts, stating that “[Abbott] drinks like a pussy” and that he “wouldn’t last one minute in the Real Western Suburbs”.

The Betoota Advocate have taken it upon themselves to compare the two videos of both Bob Hawke and Abbott rapidly ingesting beer. Abbott is considerably less refined in his chugging abilities.



  1. . He failed on both fronts:

    – negative press for promoting binge drinking amongst lefty nanny state greenos

    – increased try hard wannabe loser church-esk weirdo creds bolstered by sucking on light piss


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