Prominent Marrickville politician, Anthony Albanese MP, has today suggested that Parliament House security should mind their own business and shut the hell up.

This comes after high-ranking members of the Department of Parliamentary Services (DPS) visited the government building car park to look into unusual sounds coming from the boot of Albo’s 1972 Chrysler Valiant Charger.

Several cleaning staff and visiting delegates reported ‘thudding and yelping’ sounds coming from the rear end of the former Deputy Prime Minister’s triple-parked muscle car.

Anonymous sources have told the Press Gallery that the unusual noises might be related to incident Albanese had a Petersham chicken shop last week, where he was disrespected publicly by a former childhood acquaintance who has now made enough money to become a Liberal voter.

The shouting match quickly turned into a melee, after Albanese flicked the man’s Portugese-styled chicken burger into the air and told him run it straight.

Security staff say they are unable to determine just what it is that’s making the noise, but maybe the media should go ask Senator Michaelia Cash, because she seems to know anything before anyone.

This comes just months after the Federal Member For Grayndler called for an official inquiry into who scraped a key down the side of his beloved Valiant Charger in the Parliament House car park during question time.

Dubbed ‘The Marrickville Mercedes’ – the Valiant Charger has for several decades been a popular vehicle for young bucks in light industrial suburbs.

However, as was the case out many bottle shop carparks across the countries in the 80s and 90s, any disrespect shown towards this particular make of car can usually result in a punch in the head.

“Someone needs to own up to this” said Albo at the time.

“I’ve got a lot of hardheaded mates at the bar of the Orange Grove in Lilyfield who’d gladly have a sniff around for me. But, I’d like ASIO to get to the bottom of it first”

“No one needs to get hurt”


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