ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Another Holden Trax has caught fire in Betoota today, this one coming just days after a mechanic said it needed a new transmission.

Since January, close to a dozen Holden Captivas and for Traxes have been written off due to fire in the Betoota Shire Council and police have no idea why or how.

The latest one being a Trax belonging to Mark and Deb Coleman.

Mark told The Advocate that his wife was complaining about the Holden ‘bunny-hopping’ and ‘screaming’ so he went for a drive in it and immediately he could tell something was wrong.

“Oh man,” he said.

“It’s a real pig of a thing, that Trax was. Anyway, I knew it was bad so I took it down to the mechanics the other day and he said, ‘Mate, it needs a new transmission. This one’s fucked. I’m surprised you even made it here,’ and then I was all like, ‘For fuck’s sake, I’ve already done my arse on one Holden, now this one is going to fuck me even worse,’ so I took the keys back from the bloke and he knew what I was going to do,”

“Anyway, I was simply driving it down the road this morning and the fucking thing just caught on fire. All it took was a pair of tin snips. Just made a few little cuts in the fuel line and away she went. Blokes were beeping their horns at me, luckily a fucking policeman was there and he gave me a pat on the back when I got out of the flaming cunt and said, ‘Fuck me, mate. That was a close one,’ and kind of laughed. Then he went on and said, ‘Mate, these Holden’s are fucked. No wonder they went out of business. I reckon this much be the tenth or eleventh Holden Trax or Capitva I’ve seen just catch fire like this,’ and he laughed again,”

“He fucken knew what was up. There’s a lot of dumb cops but fuck me, there’s some smart ones, too. Anyway, I rang up the insurance company and they pretty much said we were waiting for you to call about this fucking Trax of yours catching fire. Did you torch the cunt or what? Oh, it just caught fire. Yeah, righto. Have the pig towed to the nearest assessment center and we’ll make sure you didn’t torch the cunt because then you’d get put in handcuffs and flogged half to death by the fucking cops with socks full of sand and lengths of dog chain,”

“Anyway, I reckon we might get a Toyota next. Nobody ever torches them.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here