ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A popular student at the exclusive The  South Betoota Academy for Girls briefly spoke to The Advocate this morning about how she’s been getting away with stealing vodka and other spirits from her parents for weeks.

Emma, who asked to remain anonymous, said she replaces the vodka she takes with water and the brown spirits she’s forced to steal, at times, with tea.

“My parents don’t even drink that much,” she said. “When they do, it’s usually beer or wine. I can get away with this for ages I reckon, until the bottle is pretty much all water.”

“I mean, my Dad roller blades for exercise and goes on eco-holidays with Mum all the time. He’s not exactly a party animal. Same with mum, she just has a glass of Chardonnay with her Xanax in the afternoon and that pretty much does her.”

However, the clever Year 10 student is not as smart as she thinks – according to her father, Nathan.

Mr Cullahan, who asked not to remain anonymous, said that while he’s not the coolest boot in the shoe bin, he was once an affluent 16-year-old who also let wealth and privilege get to his head.

“Yeah look,” he said.

“I didn’t come down in the last shower. I know what she’s doing. At least she’s not stealing it from the shops. But yeah, we’ve all been there. Her Mum doesn’t know, yet. I don’ think she’d mind, then again she doesn’t really care about anything anymore,”

“Don’t ever get married, that’s the best advice I can give you. You know, I used to surf back in the day.”

More to come.


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