WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet| Contact

Go to school. Go to university. Get a job and within 20 to 30 years you will achieve success. That’s what Sam Wilson has been told all his life.

Unfortunately, he was never told about how dull and commonplace working a 9-5 office job can be.

After a couple of years of going through the motions, 25-year-old Wilson has decided to take his life into his own hands, and find a more immediate purpose.

The private school graduate has decided that committing to a display of physical exertion is exactly the spark he needs.

“Yeah mate, I will be doing a bit of triathlon up the central coast later this year,” he has begun telling family members, friends and colleagues at Ernst & Young’s South Betoota office.

“It will be incredibly tough, but you know what I am actually pretty excited about,” he said.

Rather than join a local sporting team and engage with other humans regularly, the young self-titled go-getter would rather flog his mediocre body for 2-3 hours on an almost daily basis.

“I have started my training this week, and I can tell you I have already learnt more about myself than I thought I ever would.”

Speaking in a similar vein to a young affluent private school girl with wanderlust, Wilson has already begun telling people about the benefits of committing to something like this.

Chris Constance, a long-time friend told The Advocate that whilst the group respects Sam, the whole thing is a bit of a fucking joke; “Holy Moses, he has spent 2 or 3 grand on gear already. The fact that he has bought an $1800 dollar bike is pretty ludicrous. It’s the epitome of strawberries to the pigs.”

“I wish him all the best; I just don’t really understand why you would inflict pain on yourself 5 or 6 times a week to compete in some C grade competition twice a year. If he want’s pain he should pack a scrum for the local fourth-grade team with a crippling hangover,” said Constance. 


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