ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Kiwi ex-pat was overheard the other night at the Gelded Seahorse Hotel last night trying to explain to his mates that the “alleged” Tiananmen Square is a “bit of a g-up” and probably just “a bit of anti-China propaganda”.

“Nah,” he said.

“Whin ye lork ahet the faecks, yo cahen see thet ut’s obvihusley theh whork of theh CIA en ut’s jhest eh smeh khempaihn aghenst theh Choynoyse Ghevenmhent. Ut’s uh bhut uv ah gee up, bro!”

“Eh jhest thenk theh Orstrehliehen Ghevenmhent uz eh bhet rhesust, yheh know?”

Some of the Kiwi’s mates nodded while some challenged him on it.

“Mate, there’s like flat out evidence that it happened. Like, cunt, you sound like a crazy person. It’s commonly accepted that it happened,”

“You just want to kiss their arse because your multi-million dollar economy is largely underpinned by China. Without China, New Zealand would just be one big Palmerston North.”

The Kiwi went to retort but instead of words, an amber spear of Monteith’s cider shot from his mouth and onto the table.

“Eh Chriyst,” he murmured.

More to come.


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