ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

All around the country, there are families that have to beg, borrow and remortgage in order to send a child to a private school they can’t really afford.

And one Betoota Heights man said they can’t understand why people do it.

Greg Pearson is a new dad, his first child was born in June.

And already, people have been asking him what school he’s considering for young Campbell.

“Ah,” he said.

“I’m not made of money. I haven’t got a secret money tree in the backyard. Do you have to enrol your kid in high school when they’re born? Because this kid is probably going to go to North Betoota Central School,”

“Everyone I know who went to Whooton is a fuckwit, anyway. I don’t want my kid to grow up to be a fuckwit.”

The Whooton School, in our town’s leafy enclave of Betoota Grove, is one of the most exclusive – and expensive boys schools in all the Greater Eromanga Basin. Parents can expect to pay upwards of $40 000 a year if their child isn’t a talented athlete – or directly related to an Old Boy.

However, in most positions of power within the Betoota Chamber of Commerce, lies some Whooton alumni.

Our town’s Mayor was Head Boy at Whooton, this masthead’s sports editor was once Captain of the First Rugby Team.

And same can be said for most institutions across Australia – which is why local mother Destiny Coleman has all but fucked the rest of her time left on this Earth just to send her daughter to Whooton’s sister school, Desiderata.

“I wanted my kid to have a chance at getting the type of life that wasn’t made available to me,” said Mrs Coleman.

“Nadine finished last year and she’s now down in Brisbane doing uni. I’m nearly a hundred in the hole, which is pretty much my super. I’m over 50 now so it’s not like I can retire. I could declare bankruptcy but the bank would take the house and probably the Mazda,”

“But Nadine’s already lined up a few internships through her school friends and one of her friend’s father’s said she could come do work experience with him if she wants. He’s the CFO at Suncorp,”

“You can’t look me in the eye and say she would’ve had the same opportunities at the Central School. Maybe if she was really lucky. Paying all that money made her more lucky than others, I’d say. It’s fucked me, though,”

“Just hope she gets to buy a big place one day where I can come live with her.”

More to come.


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