After being postponed due the social distancing in 2020, Hobart’s much anticipated winter festival Dark Mofo kicked off this week – with organisers trudging forward despite the last minute exclusion of all Victorian ticketholders.

Despite these disappointing border closures, the city of Hobart and the Tasmanian state government are still giving their 100% to ensure the tourists who did manage to make it down are treated to the ‘full Dark Mofo’ experience.

Taps of Boags and Cascade lager have been banned from from sight in all Hobart pubs, replaced inside with mulled wine that has been dyed to look like blood, and served in flameless vintage lanterns.

The city’s growing homeless population have been forced to sit through hours of make-up application in pop up tents on Castray esplanade, as the City Council hides their worrying gentrification-led social-economic issues by dressing the vagrants up as bloodthirsty zombies.

On top of this, Tasmanian Premier Peter Gutwein has told The Betoota Advocate all traffic lights in the Hobart CBD and surrounding suburbs will only use the red light in adherence to the strict guidelines provided by Daddy Walsh and the Dark Mofo marketing disruption and activation cabal.

It is not yet known how this decision will affect traffic in the area, however Gutwein says it doesn’t matter because most tourists are on foot and won’t be leaving the city anyway.

“ever since the recent Tsunami of tree-changers relocated to the Apple Isle from the Mainland during the pandemic – the entire city may as well been full of red lights anyway”

“I saw at least 17 range rovers on the main street this morning. It’s an absolute car park out there anyway”

“So, no, I don’t think it will affect our economy too much to ban amber and green lights for the next couple days”

“They would totally ruin the vibe bro”


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