Both the Federal and NSW government have today sprung into action, after receiving some concerning phone calls from their kids.

With a heartbreakingly fucked amount of rain falling on the Northern Rivers for the second time in a month, pleas for help are ringing out around the region again.

Evacuation orders have been issued for swathes of areas in the North-East corner of NSW, with places like Lismore, Coraki, Woodburn, and Ballina dealing with the fallout from torrential rainfall.

However, despite tens of thousands of people having their lives ruined just a month ago, a minuscule silver lining has been provided this time around – with the government actually offering up some timely assistance.

After leaving the people of the region to save each other as floodwaters rose and clean up the widespread damage because the highly funded and staffed army couldn’t be deployed for at least a week – it’s different this time around.

Because the government’s soul-searching kids who moved to Byron have been affected.

So, as a result of their darling young ones having to face the trauma that hundreds of thousands of forgotten working-class Australians have, the government has sent in the ADF.

“These floods are terrible,” said a spokesperson for NSW Government today.

“We didn’t realise it was so bad. We can’t have people fending for themselves in the midst of a natural disaster.”

“The communication between and from the SES has been appalling, someone really should fix that.”

“We don’t care what’s going on, the army, the navy, the SES, we want all guns blazing to make sure people are safe in Wategos.”

“Oh and the rest of the Northern Rivers as well.”

“And don’t worry, we’ll make sure people don’t have to wait weeks on end for government assistance to help rebuild their lives this time.”

“Because this drama is going to affect us personally, so we are spurred to act.”

More to come.


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