EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

When a heartbroken Alex Dawson had set out to cure her broken heart, she hadn’t prepared herself for having it broken all over again.

It’s alleged the twenty six year old woman had been dumped a few weeks ago, and was currently in her ‘fuck him, I’ll get hot phase’ which saw her regularly crying mid workout and hoping nobody noticed.

Operating at an almost irrational level, Alex has so far cut off half her hair, started reading girl boss books, watched numerous Horoscope videos and joined multiple bad bitch instagram pages. And of course, drinking a few glasses of wine and lying in her own filth.

But now that the dust has settled and she finds herself alone for the first time in four years, Alex isn’t sure what to do with herself. Which is why she’s getting a cat!

Having never owned one before, Alex had a rather idealistic view of what being a cat owner was like, expecting endless smooches, cuddles and happy purrs to heal her heavily wounded heart.

And though some cats really are just bundles of love, some can be a little more…unpredictable. A trait seasoned cat owners can pick up by the sheer disinterest the cat shows during the courting stages or the ‘how much butthole am I getting shown?’

So when Alex had organised to pick up a fluffy grey cat she spotted on her local RSPCA site, she hadn’t expected such an elusive creature who seemed to do the whole hot/cold thing even better than her ex – sending her into another rejection induced downward spiral.

“Why do all men hate meee”, cries Alex, as ‘Milo’ yet again swerves all attempts to pat him, “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

“I guess I’m just an unloveable sea hag who’s destined to die alone.”

“Can’t even be a cat lady.”

“I hate myself.”

More to come.


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