Greens leader Richard Di Natale has today confirmed that even he doesn’t know who votes for the Greens after his party’s failure to win the Batman by election.

When asked where he thinks the last bastion of Greens voters remain, the Senator responded with few answers.

“Fucks me. Inner-city Melbourne is like the soy capital of Australia”

The byelection for the inner-Melbourne seat was triggered by the resignation of Labor MP David Feeney amid the dual citizenship fiasco, but the poll quickly shifted to questions about the Adani coal mine and refugee policy – something people in Melbourne say they care about, but also prioritise under assurances that the value of their inner-city properties will continue to rise.

Party strategists have blamed the focus on these national issues, the strong personal appeal of Labor candidate Ged Kearney, bullying allegations against Greens candidate Alex Bhatal and claims of a preference deal between Labor and the Australian Conservatives for the shock loss to Labor on Saturday.

Di Natale has also suggested the return of the AFL may be to blame for bringing out the ‘inner feral’ in the Victorian strongholds.

“These are the same people that get together and boo Adam Goodes when he starts embracing Indigenous culture during a football match. Maybe they aren’t real Greens voters after all”

When asked what the plan was from this point, Di Natale suggested an immediate conference with all members and elected officials in their motherland.

“We are going to fall back to Tasmania and regroup” he said.

“Anyone south of Bega are asked to join us on this pilgrimage”

“We have arranged refuge in Byron for our allies further north. Jeremy Buckingham, Jenny Leong, Johnathon Sri will be skyped in”


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here