LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

In a world that has sought to make every month some sort of abstinence-based challenge, the alcohol-free Dry July remains popular for its ability to raise money for cancer and brush our national drinking problem under the rug.

One such person gearing up for 31 grogless days is Betoota Ponds carpenter Carl Knox (33) who is preparing for Dry July by having a suitably Moist June.

“Looking forward to having a bit of a break actually,” lied Knox, as he purchased a slab of beer that won’t last him the weekend if invites even one person over.

“Gotta enjoy it while I can, haha!”

Believed to have over a quarter of a million participants since its inception, Dry July has raised over $60 million dollars for people affected by cancer off the backs of people like Knox who use the charitable time as a crude form of rehab.

And just as with real rehab, Knox is having one glorious last hurrah in every moist minute before midnight July first.

“I’m gonna be on the straight and narrow in two weeks. Hopefully if I get in enough now my body will store it like a camel.”

Knox also states, he is hoping getting back into midnight Milo will help curb the ferocious sweating and horrific dreams he will definitely have once Moist June is over.



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