After a famous Sunday night win for one of our sporting teams, the nation has today asked the government to chase up a bit of admin.

With the state governments trying to take care of the mess the boys from Canberra have created, the Feds have been asked to at least sort out some paperwork for a man doing good things for the country.

“Please, Scotty, can we just fucking get Quade his citizenship,” said the nation today.


The plea comes after the Wallabies number 10 played a near-flawless game last night to steer a young and exciting team to victory over the World Champion Springboks.

The veteran who hasn’t played for the Green and Gold since 2017 nailed a 45-metre last-minute penalty goal from wide out, that had the nation’s rugby fans euphoric – and asking what the fuck Brad Thorn was thinking.

However, while Quade is good enough to return from the rugby wilderness to win games for his nations against an old rival, he’s apparently not good enough to be officially granted Australian citizenship.

Despite playing bulk games for his nation, the man who was born in New Zealand has had his applications for citizenship knocked back, with Home Affairs stating that he hasn’t made a significant enough contribution to the country to be given the rubber stamp.

“C’mon Scotty, we know you are a secret rugby fan who pretends to like rugby league, like most of the people from your way of life,” continued the nation.

“So get the man his passport.”

“It’s fucking absurd that you haven’t already.”

“Just get it done mate.”

More to come.


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