“Ok which one of you is hiding behind the curtains?” asked National Rugby League executive Karen Kewn as she spied a suspicious lump in the blinds of an NRL HQ meeting room.

“Cheese if that’s you it’s not funny mate, you’re meant to be in training now.”

Pushing at the protruding shape of the blinds Kewn found it did not contain a giggling rugby league player who was loving the off-season but an indoor plant that received about as much attention as a Warrior’s trophy cabinet.

“Hmmm…I know you guys are hiding somewhere!”

While this rugby league executive may seem like someone descending into the delusions of mental illness, she is just one of many NRL board members who are growing increasingly suspicious of the silence that has befallen the NRL off-season. 

“We used to catch Todd Carney pissing in this water fountain every time he came in here. I don’t know why we even kept it.” she says to her colleagues in a chillingly quiet board meeting today.

“Where are the sex tapes?”

“Where is the gang bangs?

“Where are the king hits on random Balinese civilians?”

“Where is the fucking drink driving?”

Kewn looks at her fellow board members as if there is something no one is telling her.

“Someone is up to something I just know it!”

She searched videos on Brown Cardigan for four hours before standing by the window at NRL HQ in Moore Park and yelling out “WHO WANTS A LINE?” just to see who would show up.

No one turns up.

“Jeez” she wonders allowed.

“Have we told them that they can leave the bubble?”


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