Australians are once again disappointed with having to host the Commonwealth Games this year after news that Usain Bolt probably won’t even show up, let alone race.

While it was confirmed last year that Bolt had effectively retired from competing, there was still hopes that he would at least attend, as the nation grapples with reasons as to why they should care about this much, much inferior world games.

It is believed the fastest man in the world may be preoccupied with his new football signing, after revealing last month he was set for a trial with Borussia Dortmund in March.

Bolt, who brought his record-breaking sprint career to an end after the 2017 IAAF World Championships in London, has  also repeatedly expressed an interest in turning out for Premier League giants Manchester United, the club he supports, while he also recently offered his services to David Beckham’s new Major League Soccer franchise, Futbol Miami.

“Oh for fuck’s sake” said Kerry, a Gold Coast based schoolteacher who says her morning commute has been disturbed for the last 18 months by over the top pre-games construction.

“What’s the point of this things now?”

“Am I supposed to get excited by the Indian weightlifters? We don’t even get to see the Euros dominate in the tennis. Why did we put our hands up for this?”

“There’s literally no one good coming”



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