The religion of rugby league appears to have finally overtaken Christianity in the River City this week, ahead of the Brisbane Broncos local derby against the Gold Coast Titans on Good Friday.

The Brisbane NRL franchise has refused to acknowledge the archaic judeo-christian-inspired Australian laws that prevent schooners on the first day of the Easter Long Weekend.

Local Broncos fan, Alfie Castlemaine-Lewis, says he stopped going to church in 1988 when the Broncos made their debut in the NSWRL’s Winfield Cup premiership against reigning premiers, the Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles, and defeated them 44–10.

“Mate it’s just like any other religion” he said.

“Wayne Bennett is God and Darius is pretty much the son of God”

“We come down in here and watch our boys put on a sermon. Then we go up to Caxton Street to take communion”

As is tradition in Australian law, very few licensed venues are permitted to stay open on the Good Friday public holiday, and all bottle shops are closed.

The Brisbane Broncos, however, have ordered that all beer taps are to remain flowing in the iconic Queensland place of worship, The Cauldron (formerly known as Brisbane Stadium, Lang Park, Milton Footy Oval, Suncorp-Supa Stadium).

Iconic Queensland religious figure, Samuel Arthur Thaiday, says he can’t wait to put 100 on top of the Titans in front of his loving followers.

“I feel very honoured to be the reason that the people of Brisbane are allowed to tip a few this Good Friday”

“We will make it worth their while”

Brisbane Mayor Graham Quirk has notified the Queensland Police that if they even think about cracking down on schooners at Suncorp, he will declare a state of emergency and have them all sacked.

“Times are a’changing” said Quirk during a media conference this morning.

“You either join us at The Cauldron, or you can stay at home and watch weird day time TV”

“This is BronxNation!” he roared, before breaking into song.

“Here’s to Wally Lewis for lacing on a boot,

Sometimes he plays it rugged, sometimes he plays it cute,

He slices through a backline like a Stradbroke Island shark,

There’s glue on all his fingers, he’s the Emperor of Lang Park”


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