THIS IS YOUR SHOT OLD BOY: A late-40s former legend of NSW bush league has been informed today that he might be getting his belated start in the NRL next week.

This follows the news that the St George-Illawarra Dragons have lost an entire NRL side to suspensions and contract breaches on Saturday night, in a rugby league scandal that has proven that some players are still just old-fashioned dumb.

The NRL released a statement on Monday, confirming it had issued breach notices to 13 Dragons players alleging they failed to comply with the game’s biosecurity protocols and withheld key information from the NRL Integrity Unit.

“The NRL alleges that player Paul Vaughan invited players to a gathering at his home on Saturday 3 July which was attended by 12 teammates, in breach of NSW Public Health Orders and the game’s biosecurity protocols. It’s alleged a number of players hid or fled the residence when NSW Police arrived” the statement read.

Not only did thirteen professional rugby league players decide to host an illegal house party, in breach of both their employers biosafety guidelines and state government lockdown laws – but they also tried to lie about doing it, with some hiding under beds and others fleeing the scene with their wallets and phones on the table.

Because of this, the Dragons must now scrape together a team made up of whoever is going around.

That includes Beaudeane Griffith, the 48-year-old groundsman at Kogarah Oval, who has been told by Dragons staff to keep next weekend clear.

Despite a niggling hip injury that dates back to a camping trip in Bermagui in 2014, Beaudeane says he’s ready to go.

“I’m ready to go. The missus is okay with it too but I have to wear headgear” says the Cinderella Man.

“I’ve got her digging through storage to find me old Puma Futuras as we speak.

Although the former hooker for the 1999 Parkes Spacemen says this is a lifelong dream, he’s also very clear club better pony up some match fees if they want his services.

“I’ll take 500 a win and free piss back at the clubhouse” he says.

“Hope they aren’t doing piss tests ha ha ha”

“You know what they say about groundsmen… We are all natural horticulturists”


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