ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Reserve Bank of Australia has agreed to keep interest rates almost non-existent for another quarter which should make sure property investors see another increase in the value of their asset.

By keeping interest rates low, the projected increase in the value of capital city property will only freeze more and more young Australians out of our collective dream.

But RBA Governor Philip Lowe has hit back at the criticism to keep rates low, telling The Advocate that he finds the nickname ‘bank simp’ to be endearing.

“What would happen if I put the interest rates up to 2% you ask?” he said.

“Well, anyone who bought a house in the past five years would come home from work and immediately put their head in the oven and society as we know it would probably collapse,”

“Like, I’m talking people in Sydney fighting street to street with assault weapons. Politicians hanging from street lamps. Gutters running red with the blood of the innocent and the greedy. A total collapse of society as we know it. Hundreds of thousands would die. They’re be civil war,”

“Houses would be cheap, though. Even the most entitled, lazy millennial would be able to afford an inner-city terrace on a bartender’s wage. Just the way they want it,”

“So to prevent that from happening, I’ve kept the rates low. Mind the pun.”

More to come.


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