Local Jobkeeper recipient Olivia Siska (32) has put herself behind the 8 ball from the get-go this week with an ill-planned Monday morning sleep in.

Due to the economic impact of COVID-19 and recession the coalition government swears would never have happened otherwise, Siska was stood down from her work duties but has continued to receive a wage due to the Jobkeeper scheme providing her with $1,365 a fortnight.  

Initially rejoicing at the idea of getting paid for not doing a job she hates, Siska pocketed the cash toot-sweet before sharing a private laugh with herself at the idea her long suffering co-workers working for their money.

“Yeah, it’s a pay cut but I’m literally being paid to reread Harry Potter and binge John Oliver’s best bits,” stated Siska while wearing the pyjamas that have become her new de facto work uniform.

“If I wasn’t so depressed all the time this would be great!”

In an unexpected turn of events, Siska states she quickly learnt her new full time job was to keep herself happy for the seemingly endless hours the sun spends shining on the working man, a feat she is struggling with today after getting out of bed at 13:34 pm.

“Ah dear. Do I bother with breakfast or straight on to lunch? Does it matter? Does anything?”

“I’ll just rip a billie and see where I get to”

According to Siska, she has thrown around the idea of setting an arbitrary morning alarm but stated that without a concrete role in the soul crushing system of paused capitalism, she actually finds it very difficult to get out of bed.

“Mmm, I’ll get up earlier tomorrow.” she says while exhaling a two lungs full of powerful Lismore haze.



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