ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Saturday night, Betoota Heights.

Two ageing and respected members of the middle-class enclave atop the hill on the north side of town have taken offence to a gathering of young people down the road.

As the sun began to set, the first call was placed to Probationary Constable Blake Washbrook at the Wilcox Avenue Police Station.

“I thought it was weird,” he said.

“We don’t typically get calls until at least midnight. Never the less, the residents seemed pretty concerned, so we went up the hill for a look.”

Driving past slowly, they say no evidence of a party. Perhaps a dull thud and idle chatter wafting from 34 Redhen Street.

The paddywagon cruised by without stopping, in plain view of Beryl and Graham Pocks, who live down the road and opposite number 34.

“Then it was back the drawing board,” said Graham as he forcefully pushed a Scotch Finger on our reporter.

“It was simply too loud, we couldn’t hear anything. Heartbeat had just started and we couldn’t settle. Beryl came up with a plan.”

A second call was placed to the Wilcox Avenue police station at 10pm, where a disgruntled and afraid Beryl alleged that youths were ‘hooning up and down Redhen Road using obscene language and causing damage to personal property’.

Again, Probationary Constable Washbrook and his superior Seargent Barry Dore made the four-minute drive up the hill to make some arrests and beat some Millennials into the next ice age.

However, the police were disappointed to find nothing going on.

In a fit of furious anger, Graham spit and said ‘shit’ once before retiring to his single bed beside Beryl’s.

“Those bastards haven’t heard the last of me! In the morning, I’m going to ring their real estate agent, those renting peasants, and tell them that they’re dealing pot!”

Never the less, Graham never woke up on Sunday and the coroner declared him dead at age 79 sometime yesterday morning.

The cause of death is still under investigation.

More to come.


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