Speaking this morning from an unpopular CBD office building foyer, a 30-year-old finance guy has today set the record straight on a big issue.

Dale Wilson has confirmed that capitalism is a flawless economic system that doesn’t deserve to have it’s merits discussed going forward.

“Capitalism rewards hard work and innovation,” explained the 30-year-old stay at home son who has recently purchased an expensive inner-city apartment.

“Let me tell you something, some people might offer up other economic systems like socialism, or a hybrid theory, and all that is great – in theory,” he chortled, almost choking on his large cappuccino which he can somehow afford, despite being the self-described definition of frugality.

“In practice, it doesn’t work,” explained the sandstone university-educated trust fund baby who conveniently ignores the fact that 3 million Australians live below the poverty line and plenty more are set to join them, in accordance with billions of others around the world.

“To borrow a phrase from the great Joe Hockey, you’ve got lifters and leaners in this life, and that’s just the way it is,” continued the man whose mum cooks every meal and whose tenants pay his mortgage because they come from a low socio-economic family and can’t afford to put down a deposit on a place close the where they work.

“It’s human nature to have people who are lazy, and people who are innovators and hard workers. And you might argue that a single mother who workers cleaning shifts around the clock, or a taxi driver who works 16 hour days are hard workers who probably deserve to live a comfortable life, but unfortunately, they just trudge through life not doing anything to improve themselves or their situation.”

“In reality, they need to find the security of parents who provide for them until they are old enough to go out on their own and utilise other people’s labour and hard work to increase their own personal wealth,” explained the man who doesn’t see a problem with workers taking home less than 50% of the national income for the first in 50 years, and corporate profits soaring despite a global pandemic which has allowed high net-worth individuals to consolidate their wealth and acquire plenty more.

“It’s simple.”


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