A local carpenter who has just polished off 1 litre of Monster Energy drink, a 2-month-old curried steak pie with tomatoes sauce, 150 gram Mars Bar, three Winfield cigarettes, a battered cheese kransky and 500 millitres of iced coffee in that exact order has today voiced his skepticism of the medical consensus surrounding immunisations.

“I’m not getting it aye” says the 33-year-old father of two, Chook Fowle.

“No one knows what’s in it”

Despite not breaking into a sprint since he retired from club football roughly one decade ago, Chook says he has some grave concerns about his health, and will not be heeding the strongly recommended advice of literally every medical expert in the country.

“The missus showed me some links the other night” he says.

“Doesn’t look good. I can’t believe they are making us put this shit in our body”

As one of the hundreds of thousands of Australians who are slipping through the gaps of the Government’s embattled public health messaging, Chook has been quick to dismiss the national jab roll-out as just some big ploy by scientists to control every day people like him.

He’s worried that by taking the jab, he’ll be poisoning his body with a bunch of mass produced chemical shit that actually hinders his health.

One of his workmates, a plumber whose wife is working on the frontline of the pandemic response as an ICU nurse, gently questions Chook’s logic – and asks him where he’s reading all this shit.

“Mate!” says Chook, as his heart pulsates with the cocktail of Panax Ginseng Root Extract, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Benzoate, Acesulphame Potassium, Sucralose, Glucuronoiactone, Guarana Seed Extract and Tartrazine that he just tipped into his body as a carbonated entree to the two kilograms of pre-heated smoko van pastries.

“You gotta do your own research with this shit!”

“What does a fucking doctor know about health. They literally make money out of us being sick!!!”

His workmates back off with their questioning, knowing full well how volatile Chook can get after a big weekend blowing his pay cheque on ythe predatory online betting apps.

“Just because there’s all these ads and shit telling you it’s okay doesn’t mean it’s not gonna fuck your life up!” he says.


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