In a sign of just how bad things are getting for Qantas, our national carrier has revealed it’s going to have to start price gouging urban Australians to stay afloat.

The huge decision comes after the airline announced a billion-dollar loss last week, with little reprieve in terms of travel restrictions in sight.

“After gouging regional Australians, and people connected to regional Australians for decades, we are now going to have to start doing the same thing to people in urban centres,” explained Qantas boss Alan Joyce today.

“Given there are limited overseas Australians returning home that we can slug for 10 grand a pop and the government isn’t giving us enough money, we are going to have to recoup some of the cost from people who live in our cities.”

“Charging someone 600 bucks to fly one way from Cloncurry to Brisbane isn’t going to cut it anymore,” said the boss of an airline that reaps huge financial rewards from the government subsidised monopoly they’ve been allowed to run in regional Australia.

“So unfortunately we aren’t going to be able to run sub 100 dollar flights between capital cities for a fair while now,” explained Joyce.

“We’ll be putting pressure on the government to ensure they do everything they can to make sure the likes of Virgin can’t undercut us and ensure there’s actually some competition in the market.”

“Blame Paul Keating. He was the one who privatised us as part of his free-market, deregulation agenda.”

“This was always going to happen eventually.”

More to come.


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