COULD YOU COME IN HERE FOR A SEC: Former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has once again spared Scotty From Marketing the humiliation of being exposed as as lazy public servant who spends more time playing with his dick than he spends on the phone to multinational pharmaceutical executives.

This isn’t the first time the first time the retired Brisbane politician has had to save the PM’s neck in the last few months, after tailing the nation’s embattled leader in an effort to help mentor him in his duties as the person supposedly in charge of getting our country out of this nightmare of never-ending lockdown.

In late June, Mr Rudd reluctantly agreed to offer his help as a private citizen, and did in fact pick up the phone to the American-based executives who had grown of dealing with ‘junior bureaucrats” from Scott Morrison’s office.

On Wednesday, one million new doses arrived in the country as a result of Rudd’s efforts to help accelerate the jab roll-out

Today, it wasn’t just the Australian economy that he had to save, but the pride of our flakey PM.

“Scotty… Could you come here for a sec” said Grandpa Kev, after making a shocking discovery while tending to some domestic duties in Kirribilli.

Scotty From Marketing appeared bashful as he made his way into the master bedroom to face the music.

“What is this?” said Grandpa Kev, while holding Scotty’s secret ‘ZOO Magazine’ sock that he had found under the bed while changing the sheets.

Scotty immediately snapped in PM mode and began rattling off a series of blatant lies in an effort to shift the blame.

“Umm well.. ahhh”

“It was the doctors. They said that I should keep a sock and ummmm”

“Well actually, no it’s not mine… It belongs to Gladys”

Grandpa Kev then shook his head in disappointment with the unbridled dishonesty..

“Scotty I find it hard to believe this sock belongs to the NSW Premier… This thing nearly shattered into pieces when I hoiked it off the floor”

Scotty continued the lies, insisting that he had offered to bring in the army to deal with Zoo Magazine socks but Gladys declined the offer”

Grandpa Kev let out a guttural sigh and continued shaking his head

“We’ll keep this between us”


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