SORRY BUT THAT’S ALL WE GOT: Townsville will host State of Origin game one on June 9, with the ongoing lockdown in Victoria forcing the game to change venues from the MCG.

Initially, the NRL had been looking at another “neutral” venue like Perth, Adelaide or Canberra – after relentless whingeing from the Hillsong Blues.

However, that was not to be the case. Because as everyone knows, the likeliness of a spicy lung outbreak increases dramatically each kilometre you travel south of the Tweed.

NRL CEO Andrew Abdo has said the league’s “absolute priority” was ensuring that the show goes on, which means Townsville is the best and only option for game one.

“Townsville has the lowest risk of an outbreak impacting the game” he said.

“Townsville is also a new, state-of-the-art venue with the capabilities to host an event with a global audience like Origin, placing it ahead of alternate regional locations.

However, while the new CountryBank stadium makes for the perfect alternative to the sickly Victorian capital, accomodation appears to be an issue.

With the QLD Maroons and staff booking out every single room in The Ville Casino, and FNQ rugby league fans apparently booking out every other pub and airbnb in the city before the Blues squad had a chance to scratch themselves – Townsville City Council is today claiming that they only have one remaining option to accomodate the Southerners.

The sticky-floored Romp Shak in Kirwan is apparently the last remaining vacancy in the Deep North, a sleazy three-star motel with mirrors on the ceilings above the love-heart-shaped beds.

“Townsville council have given us their assurance that they will keep those rooms free in the Romp Shak free for Freddy and the lads” said Abdo.

“It’s not fancy. But it’ll do”

“In these uncertain times, we’ve gotta take what we can get. And a couple of nights spent sleeping in a half-way brothel on the edge of town is better than getting the Melbourne virus”

“Unfortunately, there’s an open police investigation currently taking place in rooms 28, 27 and 14 – so the Mount Druitt boys [Brian To’o and Jarome Luai] will be going head to toe in the Honeymoon suite.


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