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With Northern NSW still inundated with floodwaters, and South-East Queensland’s Mud Army taking to the streets to begin a lengthy clean up, Scotty From Marketing has coincidentally tested positive for COVID-19.
This comes after a catastrophic week of record-breaking rainfall battering the east coast, causing rivers and creeks to rise from the Sunshine Coast to Coffs Harbour.
Millions of Australians have been affected by the natural disaster, with thousands of homes and businesses destroyed by the once-in-a-lifetime floods, that seem to now happen twice every decade.
However, just as the hard work begins, the Prime Minister’s Office confirmed late night that Scotty is “experiencing flu-like symptoms”.
The Prime Minister told cabinet colleagues this morning that a routine rapid antigen Covid had returned a negative test, but he was really worried about exerting himself just in case he was sick.
Just after 7.30pm, the Prime Minister’s office told journalists he would not be attending a planned event in Sydney to light up the Opera House with Ukraine’s colours – one of the few jobs that he would be able to undertake without breaking a sweat.
Just before midnight, Mr Morrison in a statement confirmed the diagnosis, saying: “I had tested myself daily since Sunday, including this morning, with all tests returning a negative result.
“I took a further test this evening after developing a fever late today.
“The test was inconclusive so I took a PCR test tonight which returned a positive result late this evening.
Mr Morrison said that while in isolation, “I will continue to discharge all my responsibilities as Prime Minister” to someone else.
Namely, all of those phone calls he’s been trying to have with Ukrainian President Zelensky that keep getting rescheduled by his office.
While the Prime Minister admits that the timing of his diagnosis is suspicious, he insists that this virus is no ‘Hawaiian holiday’.
“I really wish I could be out there in Lismore helping the devastated residents throw waterlogged furniture and other treasured household items into skip bins”
“Unfortunately, that will not be positive…I mean possible!”
“Because I am sick”