With the fall out continuing from the Prime Minister’s bungled flood recovery in the Northern Rivers, the Morrison Government is working tirelessly to get in front of any other scandals that may arise before the Federal Election.

For example, if we end up in a war with China, Defence Minister Peter Dutton wants to make sure we don’t get caught off-guard.

The comically delayed jab roll-out was not a good look for the Coalition, neither was the fact that we had to buy our price-gouged RATs from Harvey Norman when Omicron began to rip through our communities in December.

So to avoid getting caught with our pants down again, Dutton and Scotty have moved quickly to make sure we have a new navy base ready to go when the United States delivers our new Nuclear Submarines in 2045.

Another fine example of Scotty From Marketing’s forward-thinking was also on display at the Cronulla Hillsong Church this morning, as the PM began formulating a new and improved disaster response programme.

During a frank and honest conversation with his electric guitar Jesus, Scotty made some simple requests.

“Alright Hay-Zeus” said the PM.

“I’ve been good to you”

“I mean, I’m sorry I couldn’t get that bill through Parliament that banned gays from teaching in schools, but I’m telling you a lot of my colleagues are straying from your light”

“Not me, though. I’m the same old Scotty. I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not”

The rest of the church’s congegration, including Jenny Morrison, peaked over their pews in confusion as to why Scotty was having this one-sided conversation at the top of his lungs.

However, upon realising it was the Prime Minister, they immediately understood it was probably just a part of his ‘good Christian’ act.

“So, God. Or Jesus. However this works… This is what I need from you”

“I can’t have you springing these natural disasters on me when I already have plans”

“This pagan scientists are trying to tell me it’s climate change, but I know it’s you”

“So I’m gonna need ten days warning. Just in case me and Jenny have a holiday booked or something”

“and while you’re at it. I’m gonna need some good natural light when I finally roll through. Some of those photos coming out of Lismore are atrocious!”


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