There were reportedly cheers of joy from the Prime Minister’s office in Canberra this week, after Scotty From Marketing learnt that Russia had committed to sending cruise missiles into the Ukraine – kicking off a war that has the potential to kill thousands and displace millions.

It’s not because Scotty is on Russia’s side, it isn’t because Australia has anything to gain from this war.

It’s because this flood of images of missiles and crying eastern Europeans means hardly anyone will see the Opposition Leader’s new Women’s Weekly photo shoot.

As the pioneer of selling himself as a bloke rather than a leader, the PM has felt horribly threatened by the fact that Anthony Albanese has lost 16 kilograms and is winning over the Mamamia crowd with that crisp white shirt and stories of finding love after a near-death experience.

That was until today, when a country – on the opposite side of the planet to us – invaded another country.

However, if we have learnt one thing throughout Scott Morrison’s time as Prime Minister, it’s that no media cycle is noisy enough to distract from his mistakes.

Especially when he attempts to manipulate the news cycle, like he has been doing with his non-stop ‘brink of war’ rhetoric surrounding China and Russia. These efforts to distract the news cycle from his incompetence almost always blow back in his face.

Just like the AUKUS submarine stunt that was aimed at distracting us from his bungled AZ roll-out actually ended up resulting in both the French President and the White House calling him a liar at the Glasgow Climate Summit.

And then when it became clear Scotty hadn’t ordered enough boosters or RATs, he rolled out a new strategy of detaining the World Tennis number 1 Novak Djokovic.

Scotty’s plan to vilify the 35-year-old Serb for his visa issues – to take the spotlight off his inability to procure enough RAT tests – has actually resulted in the entire world taking a closer look at our immigration policy.

This comes after Djokovic was detained in the Park Hotel alongside other stateless refugees who have been locked up in the middle of Melbourne’s CBD for 9 years… ever since Scotty was Tony Abbott’s immigration minister.

But today, with a full scale war now underway in Europe, Scotty from Marketing is writhing on his office couch in pure ecstacy – as he giggles at the idea of his political rivals trying to campaign against a big strong war time leader like himself.

“Australians need a leader with runs on the board. Not some Womens Weekly yuppie” said the PM.

“They need a leader who knows what it’s like to manage a crisis.”

“My record with bushfires and pandemic recovery speaks for itself”


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