Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today held strong against the growing demand for a $300 jab incentive, as his bungled roll-out continues to see Australia’s immunisation rates trailing last in the list of OECD nations.

The Federal Opposition Leader, whose name is Anthony Albanese, has proposed the payment as a way to ramp up the jab roll-out, saying it would be a “much-needed shot in the arm for businesses and workers struggling from lockdowns” to prevent the spread of the virus.

“The faster this is achieved, the faster the recovery as we emerge from the lockdowns that are bleeding hundreds of millions of dollars a day from the nation’s finances.” said the Labor leader.

In a rare win for Labor, the proposed ‘cashie jab’ policy seems to have resonated well with the Australian population who have been struggling with a loss of income for 6 months, while fighting tooth and nail to get our jabs, after being told we were being selfish for not getting our jabs, even though there weren’t enough jabs for all of us, and still aren’t.

With many being turned back time by overwhelmed and under-resourced hospitals and GPs time again – voters now feel they deserve to be rewarded for all the hard work they’ve put in lying about being frontline workers with underlying medical conditions.

However, Scotty says the $300 is just not viable, in this economy.

This comes despite the fact that senate inquiry has just been launched into the Morrison government’s handling of $660m worth of commuter car park grants to target swing-voting seats before the 2019 election.

And on top of the hundreds of millions of dollars he is blatantly handing over to tax-evading fossil fuels corporations in the wake of an urgent climate crisis.

And on top of the hundreds of millions in JobKeeper payments that he has allowed his mates like Gerry Harvey to steal from the tax-payer despite the fact that their businesses actually boomed in profits over the last two years.

But despite all the blatant examples of Scotty blowing money on nothing but securing the support of just enough voters and donors to remain in power, the government is remaining firm that the filthy workers do not deserve a measly $300 for getting their jabs.

“There’s no cash here” Scotty told Albo today.

“Here, There’s no cash. Alright? Cash! No!”

Scotty then turned to his confidante and fellow Hillsong nutjob Stuart Robert MP for support.


“No cash” replied Robbo.


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