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It’s the calm before the storm this evening as the nation’s cricket nets prepare for a shellacking this weekend.

The start of summer is signified by the coin toss on the morning of the first summer test.

It is coincidentally the busiest few days on the calendar for PCYC’s and cricket ovals around the country as an army of once a year athletes emerge.

It’s an army of largely sedentary males who don’t play cricket and haven’t played for some years, but spontaneously feel the urge to roll the arm over after watching the first day’s play.

Redlands PCYC told us they are battening down the hatches today.

“Every fucking year mate. They all come rolling in around 5:30. It’s incredible. You will never see more pies in your life,” a spokesperson said.

“We are talking uncoordinated men in their mid twenties who gave up cricket after school for a very good reason, trying to steam in and sling it like Binga.”

“It’s fucked. The blokes are just as bad when they are down the other end too. I love watching em just get pinged in the belly or just above the pad.”

“Some of them bring their kids, that’s the closest thing you’ll see to promise out there”

Local electrician Ben Narellan explained the urge; “Watching the boys out in the middle on day one just gets me so riled up. I start feeling like a caged animal. You just gotta release me and let me rip and tear.”

“Fuck I’m gonna be letting em rip tomorrow. All the goodies. Sport is a mental battle mate and I’m a master of getting inside other blokes heads.”

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