A WASTE OF DECK SPACE: The government has today aired growing concerns that not enough people are completing their civic duty to protect themselves from this virus.

Australians in locked-down cities are being urged to protect themselves with that jab that the government initially didn’t order enough of, and then scared them away from with fear-mongering politics, before more doses finally arrived – at which point they were told they were selfish for not rushing to get it.

However, growing rates of people aged between 16 and 39 in New South Wales and Victoria getting their jab suggests Australians are actually very keen to protect themselves from this virus that the government has allowed to rip through our most vulnerable communities.

That is, when it is made available and convenient to access. Which to this day, 6 months into our jab roll-out, is still not the case for a vast majority of the population.

The Morrison Government, and their allies in the Murdoch media, have attempted to dismiss these alarming rates as purely a result of filthy immigrants not understanding English, paired with the entitlement of young people not taking this seriously.

However, despite these impressive works of fiction, the fact remains that vast numbers of Australians are still being bumped to September or October when trying to making a booking – irregardless of what type of jab they want.

The PM has today addressed this logistical nightmare by gaslighting Australians into thinking they aren’t trying hard enough.

Speaking to the media today, Scotty From Marketing says Australians need to take inspiration from Billy Zane’s character ‘Caledon Hockley’ in the 1997 blockbuster Titanic.

“I’ve removed all targets. You should know this by now people” said Scotty.

“There’s no age groups being prioritised. I’m not even prioritising frontline workers for the jab… This is first in best dressed”

“Get up front of the line. Grab a screaming orphan if you have to. Pretend you are their only legal guardian.

“I want Australians to deceive our health workers and lie to them with the confidence of an early-1900s American industrialist heir to a Pittsburgh steel fortune”


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