Melbourne’s most recent lockdown has been extended for a further seven days, as the Victorian government once again struggles to implement the same systems that every other state has had in place well before their second wave last year.

Acting Victorian Premier James Merlino announced the lockdown extension for Melbourne on Wednesday, but said some restrictions would be eased for regional Victoria – while they try and figure out how to find out how to keep track of this dastardly virus.

Six new locally transmitted infections were recorded on Wednesday from just over 51,000 tests, including a positive case who had recently travelled to New South Wales. The total number of cases linked to the current outbreak is now 60, and they still don’t know how many people might have been exposed to these people.

Later on Wednesday afternoon, it was revealed a second resident at Arcare’s aged care facility had tested positive in Melbourne’s west.

“If we let this thing run its course, it will explode,” said Mr Merlino, regurgitating the same shit Dan Andrews said at every one of the 100 press conferences he gave last year.

“We have to run this to ground, because if we don’t, people will die.”

In a drastic effort to make sure this kind of outbreak doesn’t happen again, Melbourne has decided to finally police their residents with QR check-in codes – an experimental technology that has found success in the other states that don’t constantly go in to lockdowns.

While the QR check-in code has existed in Melbourne for some time, health experts say it has become clear that the residents have been sneering at this kind of protocol because they reckon lockdowns are sooo last year.

This kind of complacency is reminiscent of the beginning of last year’s lockdowns when Chief Commissioner Graham Ashton confirmed that police undertook 88 visits to residences of returned overseas travellers in the state, where 70 people were found to be following quarantine obligations.

It is not yet known if Melbourne residents will even follow this advice to avoid further outbreaks, instead opting to blame their misfortunes on the dodgy air ventilation in a South Australian hotel last month.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here