WAKE UP JEFF! One of the most successful musical exports in Australian entertainment history has today been warned by conservatvie culture warmongers that they will go broke in their effort to expand their market to a wider audiences.

The Wiggles, a titan of kids entertainment that earns an estimated $30m annually with lucrative TV deals, global tours and merchandise have today unveiled a new line-up of performers who better represent modern audiences.

Tsehay (15) is originally from Ethiopia in the red, Kelly (45) is Asian-Australian and in the yellow, Evie Ferris (24) is an Indigenous woman and will wear blue, while John Pearce (28) of pop group Justice Crew, has Filipino heritage and will wear purple.

The brand’s diversity efforts have predictably been met with backlash from conservative politicians and media commentators, who just want Australia to go back to the good old days where we ignored Aboriginal people and the rest of Australia were just white people split into two types of Christianity that were both run by abusive priests that everyone hated.

Coalition senator Matt Canavan, who spent the best part of his career hiding from his own Italian dual-citizenship that nearly saw him out of a job until he lied and blamed his mum, has launched an attack on children’s entertainment group for adding the four new racially diverse characters to their team.

The conservative son of white collar Gold Coast millionaires, who is most commonly associated with deny the affects of climate change to further his brother’s coal mining interests, told NewsCorp that the new line-up would destroy The Wiggles.

“The Wiggles are free to do what they like. It was nice while it lasted. But you go woke, you go broke,” said Canavan, implying that the billion dollar kids entertainment franchise had no idea what they are doing.

Canavan has been joined by a wave of other mouth-breathing conservative commentators who say the kids entertainment troupe should never have departed from their original format, when it was founded by a bunch of hard-living rockstars that included a Chinese-Australian man visibly suffering from narcolepsy and a giant purple octopus.


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