A recent report by the Queensland Youth Justice Department has found that the rates of youth crime in the Deep North is now the worst in the state.

At a regional level, the overall crime rate in Townsville jumped 1.5 per cent from 2017-18 to 2018-19, and 9.5 per cent across the past nine years to 14.1 offences for every 100 people – one of the highest above the statewide average of 10.3.

Last week, Townsville motorists were on edge drivers right six stolen cars on the loose in the city – while Labor and LNP politicians put band aids over the issue by rolling out more and more cops to put these young kids in jail and institutionalising them into a life of crime before they even become teenagers.

With Townsville’s community Facebook groups reaching a boiling point that is verging on almost full blown racism, The Federal Member for Kennedy Bob Katter has today officially arrived in the Northern Capital with a plan to fix this shit.

The KAP leader, whose electorate encompasses the northern suburbs of the Ville, pulled up into the main street this morning with a thousand rank station station ponies and a duffle bag of Champion Ruby.

“Form and orderly line young fellas!” shouted Katter, as he began rounding up the city’s youth offenders.

“Grab yourself a pouch of rollies and a horse”

“We’re going up into that wild Gulf Country”

“We are gonna fix you lot proper”

Today’s recruitment drive is the first step of Katter’s 10-point new GET BEHIND project, which aims to rehabilitate at-risk youngsters in North Queensland by taking them droving in the widest country in Australia.

Flanked by a bunch of leathery crab-walking ringers who haven’t seen the ocean before, Bob Katter and his droving team began kitting out the vulnerable teenagers with their own riding boots and pocket knives.

Katter says after months of consulting with ex-con cattlemen and other unregistered voters in the Gulf of Carpentaria, he remains confident that 6 months of ringing is enough to instil a sense of purpose in North Queensland’s youth offenders, 63 per cent of whom had experienced or are currently being affected by family and domestic violence – including 14 per cent who are under child protection orders – and about one-fifth lived in unstable or unsuitable accommodation.

“I know that home isn’t a very pleasant place for a lot of ya.” he told the mostly male group of vulnerable kids, 67% of whom will reoffend upon release from any juvenile correctional facilities.

“So lets skip town and chase some bulls”

At time of press, Katter was teaching his new 750-strong group of young cattlemen the lyrics of Slim Dusty’s ‘Three Rivers Hotel’ while waving the handle of a stockwhip like the conductor of one of those flash choirs you see on the Qantas ads.

The Queensland Premier is yet to comment on the plan proposed by Katter Boys. A statement from her Brisbane office has revealed that until several hours ago she was under the impression that this ‘Youth Crime’ that everyone was talking about was just the name of a trendy new rock band from Townsville.



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