The proud people of New South Wales have today announced that they aren’t fucking around when it comes to this virus, as the state records a 33% increase in active cases overnight.

The Premier Gladys Berejiklian has today announced another 825 infections recorded.

This huge increase from yesterday’s 644 cases has seen NSW not even bothering to fuck around with the 700s.

“Fuck it” said NSW.

“Let’s just skip the 700s entirely”

“We;ve beaten Melbourne’s record”

“We’re coming for a 1000, Melbourne”

“And at this rate, we are going to fucken blow it out of the water”

At least 58 cases were circulating in the community for all or part of their infectious period. The isolation status of 637 cases remains under investigation, which is just fucken great news for the people of Sydney who have been locked down for 8 weeks already.

“At the moment, according to the data we have, every person who has the virus is spreading it to at least more than one person,” Hot Mess Gladys told reporters on Saturday.

“So what the data is telling us in the last few days is that we haven’t seen the worst of it”

The NSW Premier, who made an excecutive decision back in early June to lockdown the Eastern Suburbs after the initial outbreak because of how important it is for all of the wealthy media and business elite who live on the beach to not have their lives interrupted by this virus, then went on to explain something that no one has ever though of before.

“So the way that we stop this is by everybody staying at home.”


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