The federal government has announced changes in the budget that will help jam an unsustainable amount of international students back into university lectures around the country.

The new measures are aimed to help the sandstone institutions get back on their feet after a year impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic that nearly crushed their glorious cash cow that is the sons and daughters of wealthy Asian aristocrats.

However, current restrictions on overseas arrivals means these same students cannot come or return to Australia to study – scary news for the universities that want to keep paying their executives million dollar salaries that increase with every new batch of nouveau riche foreign students.

While Morrison has made it clear that his bungled vaccine roll-out means international borders will remained closed until 2022 – Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has announced plans to allow certain exemptions on any foreigners whose family want to pay 300% more than an Australian would for a degree that they don’t have to study for.

According to Frydenber, the current bans on overseas arrivals is going to be scrapped temporarily to allow in 150,000 direct flights from Asia.

It’s a move that will see a disgusting amount of money injecting into our education system, which we can only imagine will not be saved for a rainy day, but instead spent on exorbitant bureaucrat salaries and pointlessly Olympic-standard running tracks.

150,000 flights in will see the arrival of 54.9 million foreign students in the next twelve months.

With the average undergraduate degree costing around $55,000 – and foreign students expected to pay double that at $110,00 – these new changes will see just over five trillion dollars thrown into the coffers of our nation’s struggling universities.

“Should be good” said Frydenberg, fronting the media while the Prime Minister was at ten pin bowling with his kids in Cronulla.

“Maybe this will mean our own citizens won’t have to pay to go to uni” said Frydenberg.

“I doubt that though, there’s always room for another couple renovations”

“Don’t say I don’t look after ya haha”


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