With Australia experiencing the hottest heatwave since the bloke sitting next to you at work can remember, Authorities are pleading for public help to avoid blackouts and limit fire risks as a record-breaking heatwave sets in across eastern Australia.

Paramedics were reporting a spike in call-outs during the hotter weather, with people suffering sunburn, dehydration and heat exhaustion – and scientists worry that the increase in aeresol deoderant could have a dramatic affect on the ozone layer.

However, one profession that is suffering the most is the 2nd hand car dealers.

Local Tarocash enthusiast, Brent Needham (40) says he’s about to break records with a full hip-to-elbow sweat patch on his more dominant arm pit.

“She’ll be there by two this arv I reckon” he says.

“That’s the hour of power. Fuck me it’s hot out here, cunt”

“Good weather to buy a brand new Hyundai i30, you wouldn’t believe how good the air con is in this bad puppy. They’ve got German designers now too so it’s not even that Korean anymore”

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