Scotty Withdraws WA Cavemen Comments: “I Forgot My Friends At Rio Tinto Blew Up All Their Caves”


In one of the stranger stories of recent times, the nation’s Prime Minister has today withdrawn some comments and apologised for his actions.

Speaking to select media from Canberra this morning, Scotty from Marketing has formally retracted his comments about people outside of Sydney being cavemen.

The Prime Minister from Sydney made the comments on breakfast TV, where he likened people who don’t want to open their borders up and allow the Sydney Sneeze and the St Kilda Flu to spread through their regions, to people living in a cave.

However, the man who has been giving a suspicious amount of press conferences since the chat about opening up began says he now acknowledges he was wrong.

“Look, it was an oversight by me. I completely forgot the boys at Rio Tinto blew up Western Australia’s caves,” he laughed.

Scotty’s comments come in reference to Rio Tinto Rio destroyed two 46,000-year-old caves in the Pilbara region against the wishes of the traditional owners, the Puutu Kunti Kurrama and the Pinikura people.

The blatant cultural terrorism was committed in the tax-dodging company’s pursuit of the riches that come from ripping shit out of the ground to get siphoned into offshore bank accounts and has yet to see proportionate consequences for the actions.

“Anyway, given my mates blew up your caves, I retract my comments about Western Australia,” Morrison said.

“And I need Queensland for the next election, so please forget I said anything.”

“The rest of you, I meant what I said. I want the country that I caused to lock down to open back up so people vote for me.”


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