Today marks a very sad day for local woman Kate Langdon.

The day she finally acknowledged that no, she will never experience two vampire brothers fighting over her, nor is she the doppelganger of a vampire’s long lost love.

As a rational woman, she’d known her dreams of being passionately loved by a dangerous, supernatural creature were, at best, a bit of a stretch. That, and finding out she was unique and special in some way, to break up the mundanity that was part and parcel of being an adult.

But at the ripe old age of twenty-seven, Kate has had to quell her dreams of ever experiencing what it’s like to see a hot vampire’s expression visibly darken or tracing her fingers across cold, marble-like abs. 

“I should have known”, says Kate to our reporter, “I’m not an unassuming beauty and I don’t really read classic literature.”

“I’m hardly a vampire’s type.”

Looking forlornly out into the distance, Kate says a life in the shadows wasn’t ideal anyway.

“There’s no way I could keep a secret like that.”

“I would have spilt the beans the minute Edward left Forks to go on his dramatic suicide mission.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here