ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Self-described “Cheif Goonya” of Australia, Scott Morrison, has expressed his “sorrow” and “anguish” over the news today that the spicy cough outbreak in the western NSW town of Wilcannia is getting worse by the day.

Mr Morrison spoke candidly to reporters this morning in a courtyard in Parliament House.

He spoke slowly and with purpose, despite the “rude” and “arrogant” journalists refusing to let him finish at times.

“This is the least ‘deadly’ thing to happen in Wilcannia,” said Scott.

“Uh, actually, it is quite deadly but not in that context. I mean deadly in the goonya context, as in it’ll kill you if you’re not careful. Look, what I’m trying to say is that we wish it were different, in Wilcannia. I know I’ve been saying that a lot lately but just to be clear, Wilcannia had problems long before I came to be Prime Minister so you can’t blame this situation all on me. Just so you know,”

“I’m warmed by reports that the Royal Flying Doctor and NSW Health are making Wilcannia a priority. That makes me feel much better. That should fix it,”

When asked by a reporter if he knew that Wilcannia had arguably the lowest life expectancy of anyone born anywhere in the world, Scott Morrison said he did.

“Yes, that’s bad,” he said.

“We wish it were different.”

More to come.


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