ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Belgian-born acting Prime Minister Mathais Cormann has taken advantage of his newfound powers by appointing Belgian-born action star Jean-Claude Van Damme as his deputy.

The West Australian also threw the gauntlet down to Malcolm Turnbull, saying that he could have his old job back – he just has to get through both of them first.

He invited The Advocate into the PM’s office for a short, to-the-point interview.

“Very happy to have Jean-Claude on the team,” said Cormann, who sat feet up on Turnbull’s desk cleaning his personal FN-FAL.

“Yah, sure. Malcolm can be Prime Minister against if he wants. All he has to do is come in here and take the keys from my cold dead hands,”

“Isn’t that right, JVD?”

Jean-Claude emerged from the Prime Minister’s private washroom, drying her hands on the front of his suit pants.

“Yah, Matty C. If he ever wants to see all those monogrammed washrags in the toilet back, he’s got to go through me, yah?”

He point a finger to his chest, revealing two Walther PPQs in shoulder holsters under his jacket.

“You seen the end of Universal Soldier? It’ll be just like that when Malcolm comes back from Trumpstan. Mathias will inject me with the muscle enhancers and somebody will get impaled on something.”

Cormann laughed.


“And if this Fiji-style coup fails to materialise, we’re going to flee to Perth and secede.”

The pair then high-fived and told our reporter to get out before they threw him out the window.

More to come.




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