Sports

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The rest of nation is beginning to question what the fuck Brisbane was thinking by once again allowing sixteen NRL teams into their city to play eight games of rugby league over the one weekend. Over 300 thirsty and sexually-charged NRL players will be in Brisbane for a festival of footy at Suncorp Stadium starting today, with local residents...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An Albury woman's failed attempt to land an egg on The Nightwatchman's head this morning has renewed calls for a drastic increase in women's sports from Opposition leader Bill Shorten. Mr Shorten announced today that his government would fund an extra 500 hours of live women's sports coverage on ABC television and online, as well as a $500 million...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian handyman and home maintenance franchise Hire-A-Hubby, have today unveiled a new service sure to plug a void in alpha-less households around the country. The new package includes basic mentorship for any son's and daughters who are taking part in kids sports without any overbearing father-figures to override their coach's instructions and threaten refs both psychologically and physically. The...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An incredibly anti-social and provocative pub regular at Betoota's Lord Kidman Hotel has today rubbed up a couple out-of-towners with his brash behaviour. In the space of an hour or so, Glenn Stokes (45) has gone from yelling at the TV screen during several ill-fated bets on the ponies - to flat out abusing the new patrons he hasn't...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Rabbitohs star Sam Burgess is today attempting to shake off his Northern English roots by embracing the culture of his retiring captain and the Dunghutti people of North New South Wales. This follows an impressive Rabbitohs 38-6 win in which three try-scorers paid tribute to retired club legend Greg Inglis by imitating his famed 'goanna' celebration In-form five-eighth Cody Walker was the first...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One delusional ActronAir account manager has today made the ambitious claim that rugby league is coming home. He's just one of thousands of central-western Sydney footy fans who believe that this is their year, after suffering for so very bloody long. Local police have reported in a large spike in juvenile graffiti vandalism across the area, with some grown...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian Rugby CEO Raelene Castle has called an immediate meeting between all of the games executives to discuss whether or not they should continue with the sacking of star Wallabies fullback Israel Folau. Folau, who is facing a termination of his contract for using his social media account to once again posting fundamentalist Christian memes that banish non-believers and...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Greg Inglis, one of rugby league's most decorated players, has announced his immediate retirement from the game after a string of injuries and other off-field battles. Namely, one particular incident at a community event in 2017, where he was tricked into a press-shot with Queensland politician Peter Dutton. "I didn't know who he was" Inglis told reporters at Redfern Oval...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local Betoota grandmother and staunch Maroons fan, Lorraine Barkley (82) has hit the phones today after hearing some heartbreaking news on the wireless. While tuning into the midday news update on her favourite easy-listening AM radio station today, Nan was made aware of the news that South Sydney, Queensland, and Kangaroos champion Greg Inglis has announced his immediate...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A group of local NRL enthusiasts have been left dumbfounded today after their mate from Melbourne fluked his way to the top of their NRL tipping competition ladder. William Ashby, an AFL supporter, only started is foray into rugby league at the beginning of the 2019 season, and much to the disappointment of his friends, he now sits with...