Proving once and for all that every cloud has a silver lining, those mourning the untimely death of local second grade coach, Reginald “Reggie” Delaney, have been somewhat comforted by their loss with the inclusion of spring rolls at his wake.

Helping himself to a plate of about 30 spring rolls, Delaney’s second-rower, James Teaupa, stated he will miss his elderly mentor forever, but that these spring rolls are really doing the trick right now.

“It’s what he would have wanted bro. If he’d of known Jenny Olsen was going to show up and that there was going to be free pour sweet chilli sauce, he’d of said ‘kill me now.’”

Teaupa is just one amongst the bereaved in attendance which includes Delaney’s kids, brothers, wife, side-piece and footy team who all describe themselves as being deeply upset but feeling slightly better now that they’ve realised there are beef, chicken and veg spring rolls on offer.

“It’s so him. All these spring rolls almost make the fact he left our club in financial ruin”

“If his kids had thought about the possibility of spring rolls earlier, I’m sure they wouldn’t have waited so long to switch his life support off.”

Mrs Delaney was unable to make a statement due to being overcome with grief and having a mouth full of dim sim.

No stranger to a footy players funeral, the catering team prepared for the event with an alleged three trollies full of frozen food, including pastizzis, party pies, sausage rolls, mixed entrees and an unconfirmed three litres of tomato sauce.

“Spring rolls just make everything better. That and the black armbands we’re going to be wearing Sunday.”


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