After having successfully pushed the burden of pandemic management onto state governing bodies, part-time Prime Minister Scott Morrison has had an odd thought and has actually considered doing something.

According to sources close to the PM, with Australia’s two biggest cities in lockdown and the ACT joining the virtual party, Mr Morrison has sensed lengthy lockdowns might not be the best for morale, especially with footy season ending soon.

“I know it is hard for everyone right now,” stated Scotty, who is one of the few Australians allowed to travel uninvited to Europe this year.

“But I can assure you that you will all be jabbed up in time for Australia Day. How good!”

With Sydney around seven weeks through a four-week lockdown that has seen the deadly Delta variant spread to QLD, VIC, and regional NSW, the message from the PM’s office is for locked down citizens to remain at home and prep the barbie for an absolute ripper in five months time.

“It will be a day for all Australians to enjoy mandatory fireworks and fun!”

Despite January 26th being a divisive date for a celebration, Scotty has assured voters the climate in five months’ time will be too cooked for the annual discussion regarding the ethics of the national holiday.

Additionally, Mr Morrison made it clear he will be neck-deep in ‘too many snags to care.’

“It’s going to be great! I’m even thinking I might drink a whole beer! Would that be crazy? Haha, I’m gonna do it, I actually am!”


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