LOUIS BURKE Culture Contact

After a two year investigation, it can be exclusively revealed that many Australians who claim to be a ‘swing voter’ are just Liberal Party voters who are understandably too ashamed to say so publicly.

Despite Australia having a two party system in all but name, many Australians take pride in the fact that they are the salt-of-the-earth, politically savvy, pork barrelling recipients who change their voting allegiance based on who had the better interview on Channel 9.

Although people who vote for The Nationals or The Greens can be spotted from three hundred metres away in the dark, Liberal voters posing as swing voters can shapeshift into the form of any ordinary Australian, earning them the nickname ‘quiet Australians.’

The results of the investigation into swinging voters has caused quite the stir as it turns out most of them are like Genieve Cook of Betoota Heights, a mother of four who claims to be a swinging voter but has consistently voted for the LNP her entire adult life.

Sitting down with Cook, our reporting team tried to gain some insight into why Cook claims to be a swinging voter even though she voted in favour of a fifth Howard term.

“I don’t think Labor is much better,” stated Cook, repeating the phrase that has been his deepest political analysis of the past 30 years.

“Anywho, let’s not talk politics now. There’s a dinner table over there and you can’t talk politics when there’s a dinner table nearby. How’s your family?”

Pressing the idea of discussing politics in a qualitative interview organised to do just that, Cook revealed that her father was also a swinging voter who never once considered voting Labor but was too embarrassed to ever reveal his party alignments.

“As I said, I am a swinging voter and I don’t just vote Liberal because my parents always did, I vote for them for other reasons and even then only sometimes but definitely always Liberal first or my dad will reanimate and die again.”

In previous years, Cook states she did not have to conceal her political allegiance but states recent events have made the current government all too embarrassing to publicly support which is why she has taken to calling herself a ‘swinging voter’ akin to an American backpacking through Europe with a Canadian flag on their backpack.

“Aaaah Tony. One of the people. He deserved better than what they did to him. Then with Turnbull at least he was as rich and out of touch as the people voting for him, there was some representation there.” 

“But Scotty…I mean, you’d have to really have no pride to publicly support him. Obviously, I will be voting for him again but I’m not proud about it! I’m just trying to save Australia from Albo, whoever that is.”


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