EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

Old mate John Thomas insists he’s coping just fine with the news that his ex has moved on. The recently single bachelor had spent the past couple of months in a whirlwind of booze and Bumble dates when he stumbled upon some artfully curated photos of his ex. Coincidentally, the series of photos depicting a very happy couple were uploaded the moment John had logged into Facebook.

“Yeah we were really concerned’ says John’s best mate, Ollie, “we knew he wouldn’t take it well.”

Despite John’s constant protestations that he was ‘fine, really’, Ollie thought it’d be best to give his friend a visit. As he opened his friend’s bedroom door he was shocked at what he saw.

“John was passed out on the bed dribbling,” says Ollie, “but that wasn’t even the worst bit.”

“Whole floor was covered in UberEats bags.”

“Took me about half an hour to get to him.”

Navigating his way around the minefield of bags, Ollie was overwhelmed by the stench of three day old chicken nuggets and rotten Pad Thai. He reportedly had to vigorously shake John up as he’d fallen into a deep food coma.

“You never know what to do in those sorts of situations,” reveals Ollie, still visibly shocked at what he saw, “I’ve never dealt with addiction before.”

“He must be in a really dark place.”

More to come.


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